How to Be Irresistibly Attractive… to Everyone!

What’s the one thing you need to know about selling, networking and… dating?

Let’s start with dating. When a man wants a woman to go out with him what does he do? He flatters her (telling her he likes her smile or that she’s the prettiest woman in the room). He asks her a question about herself and listens attentively as she talks about herself, looking into her eyes (he shows he is interested in her). He says something personal and funny and entertains her (the shortest line between two people is a laugh). He tells her something about the good things he has that she might benefit from (he dangles a carrot like his condo on the beach).He tells her a story (he let’s her know a little bit about who he is or what he thinks in a way that’s dramatic). He offers to take her somewhere she wants to go (he picked up on it in the conversation-he was looking for an ‘in’). He asks for her phone number (he’s lettings her know he would enjoy her company in the future). And he calls her …quickly! (He wants her to know he’s excited about her).

In short, he makes her feel very good about herself.

What does a woman do when she wants to move forward? She looks at the man and smiles a lot (affirming she is interested), she laughs a lot (affirming he is witty) she agrees a lot (affirming he is brilliant) she asks questions and listens attentively (affirming he is fascinating) and she listens as he talks about himself. (Signaling she is enjoying his company).

In short, she makes him feel very good about himself.

We call this flirting. Change the words and call it selling or networking.

Here’s the magic secret: Make people feel very good about themselves!

If you make people feel very good about themselves they’ll do business with you (and keep on coming back for more)! Forgotten how to flirt? Here’s how you do it (in business):

  1. Flatter. Let folks know you are impressed. Acknowledge their achievements, talents and strengths. Make them feel important.
  2. Listen deeply. Be a sponge for information. Find out what‘s important to them. Ask: How is the economy affecting your business?  And other questions…and listen and learn about how you can be of help.
  3. Laugh. Be genuine. Drop the stuffy stuff. Lighten up. Be warm and personal. Connect. Have some fun with the person you’re with. Have a tag line that short, sweet and amusing.
  4. Keep eye contact. Nothing is worse then being at an event with someone who is looking for their next prospect while talking to you.
  5. Smile. Affirm your interest in them with your body language. Show you are positive and happy (who wants to do business with someone who is down and out?).
  6. Don’t interrupt. Make that person feel every word they are saying is precious pearl of wisdom.
  7. Question. Get them talking about what they feel proud of. Ask: How did you get started in your business? What makes your business different?  What do you most enjoy about it?
  8. Promise. Let folks know what wonderful things they can expect from you. Make sure it fulfills their dream or solves their problem. Make an appealing BIG promise that speaks to their need. Don’t “product puke”. Just let them know how you can help.
  9. Tell a story. Don’t be boring! Entertain as you educate. Make the story one that evokes emotion and defines what you do.  A good one gets a “WOW!” Touch the heart and reach the mind and that’s what you’ll hear.
  10. Ask permission to call. Define your next step. Make sure you don’t push yourself in where there is no invitation. Don’t lose that card. It’s gold in your pocket.
  11. Make an offer they can’t refuse. Invite them to have a wonderful experience. Offer what your customers long for and they’ll say yes.
  12. Follow up fast. Don’t wait for folks to contact you. Show you’re enthusiastic about helping them.

Deliver on your promises (And don’t stop doing the little things you did in the beginning; keep the flowers chocolate and champagne going!)… and the romance will last!

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2 Responses to How to Be Irresistibly Attractive… to Everyone!

  1. Hi Lisa,

    Forgive me I am can unload words rather quickly.

    In this article you say, “Don’t wait for folks to contact you. Show you’re enthusiastic about helping them.”

    In a more recent article titled How to Get More Customers than You Want you say, ““Play hard to get.””

    It sounds like you are suggesting I be enthusiastically-hard-to-get and that confuses me.

    How would you suggest I balance enthusiasm and not be too available?


    Which do you think is more important: creating an idea of who I am and what my business is or authenticity.

    With my limited experience I cannot identify where my clients come from. It seems as if my best clients come out of the dark and appear suddenly. When I am not even looking for them. How do you think I can go about making that happen more often.

    • Lisa says:

      Cool questions!

      In answer to your first question about being “enthusiastically-hard-to-get” I hope this helps: “Play hard-to-get.” is my way of saying don’t give your time away to clients that can’t afford to spend money on you (if you have bills to pay). However, in cases where you know you are dealing with a person who can afford you (or if you can do without a fee), I advise “Don’t wait for folks to contact you. Show you’re enthusiastic about helping them.” In other words, enthusiastically pursue clients who have money. Sadly, that took me quite some time to figure out!

      Your second question was : “Which do you think is more important: creating an idea of who I am and what my business is or authenticity?” I love this question because I think we are all trying to “create an idea of who we are” and in our striving to be our very best we sometimes try to act as if we are that new and improved version of ourselves. Trouble is , it doesn’t work. When I was in my initial stages of my coaching biz, I had adopted a fake “totally together life-coach” persona with an artificial voice to match. When my kids heard me coaching they would ask “Why do you talk like that?”. I found being phony not only alienating to my offspring but also difficult and tiresome. I do not recommend it.

      Naturally, you must have an idea of “what your business is” and be able to articulate that in a way that “wows “your would-be clients… the trick to growing a biz is to discover and eloquently express “your magic”, that is to say, what you do differently and better than anyone else…otherwise why should (or could) anyone choose to work with you?

      From your final question, it sounds like you need to identify how your clients hear about you- how exactly it is that they “come out of the dark and appear suddenly”. Are they are responding to referrals or to some other form of marketing? Identify what’s working now and see if you can refine and ramp up your efforts in that area. Solve the mystery of their “sudden” appearance and work it. I think that’s a better plan than lurking about in dark places and waiting .

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